Joe Biden's Mom died. At her funeral Joe said: "Mom taught us that courage was not defined by the lack of fear, but by the willingness to act in spite of your fears; that bravery lived in each of our hearts. Ad her expectation was that we would be summoned to reach for it when necessary."
Jean Finnegan Biden had taught her children what I want to teach myself and hope to inspire in my children. Reaching into your gut to pull out courage and face what we fear.
My granddaughter has avoided giving a talk at church because she was afraid. We really had to talk her into being an angel in our family Christmas Pageant. I loved how her mother Taryn recognized the shyness, and is working hard to help her over the difficulty.
Taryn has also talked to her about a bully neighbor that used manipulation to force her into playing with her and not with others. It is amazing how quiet patient Taryn recognizes the need for courage and is able tenderly work it through with her children.
On the other hand, others of us that are more like the bullies. I have have realized that when I fell that I'm being pushed into a corner, I come out roaring, stepping on toes, making everyone scatter. Recently, someone I trusted , a mom type person, said: "I feel that I have to be careful about what I say because I might hurt your feelings. You don't listen very well or make things safe." I realized that I needed courage to humble myself and courage to change. Moms help us to see what we don't like about ourselves. They give us the desire, throught their love, and the courage, through their belief in who we should be.
In answer to my prayers I read an article about going to curiosity rather than hurt, frustration or anger. Curiosity has become my new BIG C word.
I'm naturally curious. It is one of the two qualities that make a good genealogist-curiosity and tenacity.
Monday, my sweetheart was grumpy and I started to be defensive, hurt and frustrated, when I realized I needed to have enough courage to step out of defensive, hurt and frustrated and just be curious. It was amazing. My emotions changed. I loved him, I wanted to know what was the real problem. Thinking through what he had said, an alarm went off-- he "hadn't had time for lunch." Then I realized his blood sugar was low. When we got some food into him, he was his usual charming self.
If courage is facing what we fear, then humility is choosing courage to step away from pride. Curiosity then changes my defensive pride into understanding. Curiosity not only makes me a better listener, it helps me validate others. Which is all they needed from me to begin with.
I'm 50 years older than my granddaughter, and still working at overcoming fear, pride and choosing courage.
