Courage of Companionship--EnCOURAGEment

The Stripling warriors drew courage from companions. Shoulder to shoulder, weary from hours of marching, they turned back to rescue their countrymen from the enemy. After the battle, they searched til all had been acounted for, and then they celebrated that none of the Sons of Helaman died, although all were injured. Similarly, I need valient companions to develop true courage.

Some of my valient companions have been my children. They have given me courage to take up running. In the beginning coach Liz was there with the asprin, water and jelly beans, encouraging me to stay strong to the end.

I love our pre-sunrise picture, beginning our first marathon together. Talking or not talking. Laughing at the folks we passed. It was fun to run through neighborhoods who cheered us on, bands that played and gave out orange slices and water. Two hours later, we were passed by the speedy runners.

For the first four hours, Liz was with me--until mile 17. By then my head cold and hip pain had me dragging, lagging behind. Liz had to make a tough decision, to crawl to the end or press forward to be her best and greet me at the finish line. Before she did, she called Danielle and told her to meet me at Liberty Park with Advil and ZeeCom to drug me up for the last three of the twenty-six miles.

Courage to leave a comrade

The photo shows that we had been running for four hours and 12 minutes. This band was still playing, by now most were worn out and seemed to be resting as we went by. It was here Liz pushed on at her own pace and finish time. It takes courage to leave comrades to reach your own goal. When Liz emailed the chart of her split times, you could see that hang back for me logged her slowest mile.

It was the right the time to push on without me. Strength of character to make the break is important. Each runner must run their own race, beat their own marathon. Celebration with companions that did their best is sweeter at the finish line.

Courage needs enCOURAGEment
I cried from mile 19 until I saw Danielle and her family at mile 23. She had driven 50 miles to be there with the asprin, hugs and encouragement. Lots of "we're proud of you," and "I think children need to see us do hard things." I help rechange my spirits for last three miles. I was in pain, but she reminded me there is joy after the pain, and it was a worthy goal.

Strength from strangers

How can strangers envigorate the courage to press on? It helped to have the cheering and support of strangers. If only to keep me from laying down in the grass.

The wrong things to say is "you're almost there." The runner has counted every mile, every corner, at the end on more mile is forever.

What can strangers say to encourage runners? "I'm proud of you"--soundss hollow. How can a stranger be proud of someone they don't know? Other strangers think flattery or appealing to your vanity should help. "Wish I could do that" Ironically, most really could--if they put forth the time and effort. The flattery is simply brushed off, but I send back a smile to acknowledge their compassion.

The clueless yell "Good job." They don't know that I started an hour before everyone else, just to finish before the course shut down. Invisible are my recent masectomy scars and pain. A marathon is neither good or bad, it is only a contract with my self to do this hard thing. A goal and a plan that has taken months. It took courage to say I would try, and months of runs before this race started. They could yell "Good goal, good challenge--good that you're following through."

So what do you say to encourage the tired and the weary?

"Keep it up, you can do it" gave me energy to stay with it. "It will be worth it" kept the focus on the goal. "It's hard but you're going to make it," gave me empathy and encouragement. "You inspire me," made me want to push to the end.

New Comrades

The last five miles fell into pace with two new comrades of courage. One was a twenty-three year old University of Utah student named Andrew. He worked at a center to help drug users get on their feet. He said: "You are one determined lady. I'm ready to quit, but you make me want to hang in there." I think he was in the right occupation. Building people up, makes them not want to give up.

The other was a forty year old father of three named Troy. As we encouraged each other, walking and then running, talking and not, there came a respect as other runner were also pushing through the pain. Troy's trainer met us and ran the last half mile. She encouraged us to stay steady on the course, telling us just how many more turns before the finish line.

During the final stretch Andrew said: "Marilyn you're going to beat me, and I'm half your age." I replied "I'm not here to beat anyone, we're only running against the marathon." The trainer said "That's right. The opponent to beat is the marathon." Having companions running (stumbling) helped push me forward. Like two gentlemen, they both turned aside to let me cross the finish first.

Courage to Choose Gratitude

Tiredness tends toward self pity. To refocus on something else I followed Liz's example of thanking the police at the intersections and the volunteers for being there for me. Gratitude empowers the heart. It adds noblitiy to getting to the next intersection.

The finish
I am better for having run a marathon. Having dug deep into my reserve of strength gives me courage to try other hard things.

Companions strengthen my determination courage to reach to final goal. It helps to choose good companions when choosing courage.

It is also a blessing to have others who care about me.

Watching me choose courage to do hard things.

Companions of Courage

Last year was my first “Race for the Cure.” I was overwhelmed by the mass of runners pouring ahead and behind, united in the fight against breast cancer. On their backs runners wear notes that hint how breast cancer touched them. Weaving in through the hundred feet wide and mile long mass of runners forced on me awareness that everyone is tainted by disease and death. We are not alone; we need the strength of others around us. Finally, I realized the money for research from the masses of people made this cancer the curable. I live because of the courage of others.

I often need the courage of companions. One of the first things I did, after hearing I had cancer, was to call my sister and my neighbor, who were breast cancer survivors. Beyond the coping advice I need the shoulder to should strength to give me courage. My sister Joan said: “I know what you’re going through, I wish I could give the strength and knowledge from being on the other side, but you will have to make your own pathway through this.” Another time I was whining to my neighbor Sharon, when she said something like, “I’m disappointed in you Marilyn, and I thought you had more gumption than to wallow in self pity.”
Self pity is the trap that springs up and robs us of courage. Victims. Choiceless. Helpless.

Valiant companion help us past the pity pits. Shoulder to shoulder they help us press forward. Courageous. Noble. True.

My favorite example of companions of courage is the story in The Book of Mormon of 2,000 stripling warriors, immature youth, whose courage saved their nation. They marched out shoulder to shoulder. When the battle was over, they search through the piles of dead, until they found each Son of Helaman. Yet not one soul perished, although “there was not one soul among them who didn’t have many wounds.” Credit for their miraculous preservation was ascribed to their faith, that their minds are firm, and they do put their trust in God continually. They chose courage.

Their mothers taught them how to be courageous. Their mother taught them faith--to trust in God. Then shoulder to shoulder they were fearless. “Yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.”
And what about the fathers of the warriors? When food supplies were low, it was the families of the stripling warriors that sent aid. Fathers working the fields, day after day, are courageous. It was love for their fathers that fueled the courage of the stripling warriors. “Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives.”

When we start to fear, it is because we have turned inward. Courage requires thinking outward of others and of God. Sometimes, I chose courage for those I love. Sometimes I chose courage because of the courageous companions that surround me. Sometimes I choose courage because of sweet heart or my mother or father or children. Many times courage comes because they believe in me.

Why Courage Must Be Chosen

Cancer causes you to reevaluate life. When they said I had breast cancer, the ridiculous thought came to mind, would I also an oblique obituaries where people say she "died after a courageous battle with cancer." As if it was hand to hand combat, dueling until cancer kills everyone. Death does win in the end, whether it is by cancer, car accident, or old age. What cancer forces us to face is our mortality. It is watershed moments, where we choose to face fear with courage or lay down, in denial, and become a couch potato. However, is courage a John Wayne’s--"A man's gatta to do what a man's gatta do” or his “courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”? Isn't our mortal existence designed to be more than putting one foot in front of the other or simply taking one day at the time? Where is the nobility? Where is the winning the final crown? Cancer taught me there is more to courage than doing what has to be done. Courage is sitting down with fear, reaching into your gut and choosing to be valiant, brave and noble. My choices rely on knowing my Heavenly Father directs my life for my good. Instead of fear--courage chooses joy and peace, in the midst of loss and pain, in the here and now.